M. Riddle (Edison): All People Want is Someone to Listen. (Hugh Elliott)

24. January 2009 by student.

When on a business trip for my New England based company to Kansas City some years ago, I had stopped to fill my rental car up with gas before returning it to the airport. While standing there, minding my own business, contemplating the sales that I had attained and those that I failed to close and how I should modify my strategy for such encounters in the future, another car pulled into the pump next to mine. I barely gave the gentleman any notice at all, perhaps a quick glance in his direction and continued with my task and my revelry. Through the haze of my own thoughts, I began to hear a voice speaking happily and cheerfully, going on about a baseball game that was played the night before and how he had taken his Grandson to his first ball game and the fun that they had. I stood there in utter amazement that this grown man of fifty something was prattling on to no one at all. Then it dawned on me. He was talking to me. Telling me this wondrous story of one of the most wonderful days of his life with all the pride and joy that a grandfather could muster; and I nearly destroyed his experience with disinterest.

I thought about that experience the entire plane ride home. What happened to me? I was born country. Raised country. Taught to respect others, their thoughts, and their opinions; and knew and greeted everyone for miles around whenever we were to meet. The only answer that I could come up with was grim at best. Having relocated to New England for marriage and work, I had been systematically sucked into the fast paced, high power drive of the “business corridor” in search for that ever elusive brass ring. Through time and attrition, I had learned the ways and the habits of the typical New England Businessman whose mantra was “Get all you can, can all you get”. So self absorbed with my own success was I, that I was blinded to my own failures. My human failures.

That is when I decided that a change was necessary. Although the change was quite small, I was not prepared for the impact that it had on me and my life, and the new direction my life would take. What was the change? “Hello.” It is one of the first words that we learn as children, yet it is one of the last words we think to use as adults. Saying hello is more than just saying hello. It is an acknowledgement, an affirmation of another person’s existence and worth. An invitation to share with one another, even on the most basic of levels, a part of your life with that person, and his or hers with you; even just for a moment.

Sounds easy doesn’t it. It’s not. While I may be just a big ol’ teddy bear, at 5′ 11″ and 275 pounds, this fifty two year old teddy bear poses a formidable figure as compared to that 210 pound toe-headed teenager who graduated high school in 1974.  People are often and easily intimidated by what they see, and especially by what they do not know. Mistrust has become society’s catchword, making it difficult to extract a reciprocal greeting for the fear of “inviting someone in”. As adults we have become so task oriented, we assume that when someone speaks to us, they are in need of something or are looking to fulfill their own agenda at our expense. And children? A child’s face lights up with the purest joy and innocence when greeted, excited to have been noticed in a world built for adults. However, it is unfortunate that we live in an age and society where it is necessary for us to teach our children very early in their lives to be wary of adults, and even more so of adults that they do not know or have not met until they have passed Mom or Dad’s litmus test.

Friendliness is so rare in our society today, that when greeted, the other person is completely caught off guard and is often times disarmed rendering nearly all of his defense mechanisms useless, for a short time at the least. The greeted person can do nothing but respond in like manner, or be perceived as rude, cold, and unemotional. It boosts productivity when used in the workplace or school, promotes respect between people, and influences sociability. Amazingly, the people with whom you may not normally acknowledge because they may look a certain way, be dirty, or act a little off, might be the friendliest people in the world; and the ones who react the most warmly to your greeting. Perhaps it is because they are so accustomed to being ignored that this small gesture, this acknowledgement, is akin to being feted at the mayor’s table.

 So maybe by turning our inward gaze outward, truly seeing the people that we pass by each day, looking them in the eye, and saying one of the first words we learned as a child: “hello”, we can make the world, our world, a better place. I guarantee that after a month of it, your heart will feel lighter, you will feel more connected, and you will have a better sense of well being. Can you make the next grump you see open up? Try it!

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